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There is a way
that I wish women
who so fiercely decree
that 'its not a man's job to heal a woman'
understood…
Every time I enter a state of arrogance and righteousness with Maximus and communicate to him from that metallic mental plane and inflamed solar plexus (where our egoic sense of 'selfhood' vibrationally dwells within the body), I deprive myself.
In choosing that searing moment of egoic gratification and rightness, I destroy my own bliss.
No matter what it looks like EXTERNALLY, every time (literally...EVERY TIME), I choose my preference or my entitlement over my Eros and my surrender, I physically ache.
Please understand that this is an Agenda ~ and as with all Agendas, it is already a multi-tentacled, nefarious MACHINE. The distorted and consumptive model of ‘conventional reality’ (driven by consumerism) is attempting to normalize the archetype of the Masculine ‘Bumbling Fool” (ex: Homer Simpson) and destroy the life-affirming, protective Warrior and Outlaw Masculine archetypes.
I am on a journey of being deeply purified in my consciousness and in my heart. It is as Michael Beckwith so brilliantly says: a MOTHERTRUCKER.
I am being 'asked' to cultivate an excruciatingly detailed energetic inventory of all the ways I have been in unconscious consent with and to people, external expressions of authority, thought-forms and morphic fields.
Part I: The Invitation
Two days ago, Max presented me with a big, fat, high-risk, high-sensation invitation to advance our relationship into a whole new holon of The Game.
It involves money, my business, and a deep surrender of my *seeming* independence.
The more deeply I journey Devotion, the more deeply I journey Pussy.
And the more deeply I journey Pussy, the more I am summoned ever more deeply into the world-between-worlds that is Cervix.
It is here, I am discovering (over + over + over again), within this fleshly plump mystery that holds the organic technology of awakening Feminine consciousness.
It is this mystical pudgy fleshy confection (frequently likened to a donut) that is sometimes soft, effulgent and other times stiffened, a bit like a crustacean of the oceanic depths.
I remember the very first time it burst open within me.
I was in India, studying Ashtanga Yoga in Mysore with Sri Pattabhi Jois.
On each New Moon, he'd sit up in his special chair on his humble but rarified stage, and all his (many dozens of) students were invited to line up, come before him, descend to their knees, and gently kiss his Lotus feet.
Masculine Leadership + The Wound Template of Feminine Martyrdom
Two important insights on the now legendary Marmer-Pothier Dishwasher sitch:
1. IF Max had just said "No, I choose to not comply with your request (to do a better job at washing his dishes) ", this would (likely) have been poor leadership.
What makes this little story potent is that Max very rightly denied my request AND THEN PROVIDED SOLUTIONS **beyond what I could see for myself.**
ME: “Max, it seems our apparently fancy German dishwasher does not work so hot — many times the dishes don’t feel entirely clean to me after running it.
May you please take an extra moment to wash your dishes off before placing them in the dishwasher?”
MAX: “I hear you — and I’m a No to this particular request. It’s inefficient and I’m not willing to be inconvenienced or adjust my flow for a weak or compromised dishwasher.”
Each day, I awaken alone in the early morning light.
I gently stroke my body and bre*sts with long, slow warming strokes. I slip my n*ked body into a dress (always a dress....) and slink down the stairs.
His day begins before mine; he is always already there.
He is at his desk, sometimes sitting, other times standing....the warmth of the fireplace glow and cold blue incandescence of screenlight
Last night Max shared with me that he had opened up a direct communication channel with a significant male business partner of mine. My business partner and I are co-founders of a start-up that has all the signifiers of being able to scale quickly and robustly, should we play our cards right. We have incredible resonance, yield massive results, *and* have a bit of a sticky ideological kerfuffle in terms of our individual dharmic expression in the world. Said tricky bit has led to several recent long conversations to see if we can arrive at a place of deep and true convergence.
He is better at understanding the world than me.
He is more brilliant than me.
He has more wealth than me.
As women.....especially as "empowered" women, we are rewarded by our culture for being "powerful" and for being "leaders".
We see before us the celebrated "rising of the Feminine".
And while I both understand its socio-political context and historical significance, it is nonetheless energetically inaccurate.
I have the incredible honor of having several thousand women in my spaces....several hundred in my more intimate orbits....and many dozen in my direct field.
It seems I have accidentally moved to the Forest.
I am on a bit of a walk-about from LA, spending 2 months in Hawaii, returning to LA only to feel its edges far too jagged, its velocity knocking me off my feet, and its brightness all- too sharp.
Dating apps are no place for *Feminine* women.
I am very well aware that there are thousands of exceptions that have resulted in happy partnerships, marriages and families (Praise God!) -- but what women need to understand is that Dating Apps are *DESIGNED* to be a feeding ground for men -- and one that wreaks further havoc on the ORGANIC FEMININE spirit and heart because the entire system is rigged to reward the Masculine -- *including* over-generous, performative (and sadly, often traumatized) Masculine *women*.