KING MAKING 101
EXHIBIT A:
Me (to Him): I feel a desire to receive a certain form of communication from you.
Could you please let me know a time that is convenient for you to talk about this (my desire) together?
THE DEAL:
IF you are holding the overt Feminine pole in your relationship with a Masculine man, you need to have MASTERY of 2 distinct communication principles:
1. The capacity to *regulate* the gushing, volatile, swollen, molten, LIFE-AFFIRMING river of your fabulous Feminine emotionality.
2. OVERT, demonstrated, calibrated, *intentional AF* expressions of RESPECT to and for your partner.
💎 BEHIND THE GILLIAN SCENES 💎
- When I want to share and discuss my high-sensation Feminine feeelings, I do 2 things, both reflected in Exhibit A:
1. I GIVE HIM THE DATA. I state very clearly <in truly my best attempt at non-swampy-Feminine lingo> the thing that I want to share and/or discuss. (Ex: “I have a desire to receive a specific style of communication from you.”)
2. I MAKE A MOTHERTRUCKING APPOINTMENT:
“Could you please let me know a time that would be *convenient for you* to discuss this with me?”
THIS IS STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE FOR ME....and here is why:
From a building-intimacy/connection/relational POV, the (2nd 😉 ) most important anatomical component of a male physiology is his BRAIN.
All human beings have this amazing bridge dividing the hemispheres of our brain (into Right/Left) called the “corpus callosum”.
Anatomically, female brains have this delicate, slender little band separating the R/L hemispheres of our brain, so we shimmy back and forth with a hop, skip, and a jump between analytical thinking and our feeeeeelings ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. 😬
And because we can practically smush the 2 hemispheres together, it gives us the delightful superpower of being organically able to
😱ANALYZE OUR FEELINGS😱
AND.....then....the piece de resistance.....we TALK ABOUT IT....gushing and emoting, having all kinds of galactic revelations and evolutionary illumination.....of which we of course, GENEROUSLY provide forensic level detail of ALL THE FEMININE THINGS that we make contact with in our non-stop velocity of sashaying back and forth between the hemispheres, delightedly sharing about ALL THE SPECIAL BERRIES we gathered that day and placed into our magically never-empty evolutionary lady basket. (This is a version of the “meadow report” in Alison Armstrong’s lineage.)
WE ARE GENIUS AND MAGICAL....AND LORD CAN THIS BE VERY EXHAUSTING TO NON-FEMININE CREATURES. 😳
Now here is where the plot thickens;
Unlike our delicate, lady-like, wispy corpus callosums, male brains have this big, fat, juicy, gorgeous *thick*....umm, corpus callosum.
This means that unlike female brains where we flow inter-hemispherically 24/7, male human beings / men have to intentionally make the trek from their go-to stomping grounds (which, ps is the LEFT hemisphere — which drives perceptual qualities such as logic, objectivity, practicality, pragmatism, analysis, rationality, strategy, calculation, etc.) to the Right hemisphere, which is where we, as desired-fueled, effulgent Feminine-essenced Beings, have a much higher likelihood of being attuned to and therefore, having our desires fulfilled.
MEN ARE RADICALLY LEFT BRAIN DOMINANT.
This is a massively important key for those of us who love men / potent Masculine-driven Beings to understand in terms of powerfully crafting our communication to....increase the odds of getting what we want IN A WAY THAT IS EXTREMELY RESPECTFUL TO MEN AND/OR MALE BRAINS.
We now know that there are major deltas between male and female neuro-biological reality.
We also know that women/female brains can FEEL *AND* ANALYZE THE FEELINGS 😈 in nearly real-time which ‘dude brains’ no matter how brilliant, simply *cannot do* (without using massive, superfluous amounts of cognitive resources.)
(EXCEPTION: research is showing that left-handed men have more narrow corpus callosums, likely allowing more dual-hemispheric access.)
MEN/MALE BRAINS are all up in the LEFT hemisphere, which makes them *genius* at so many activities — *including leadership*— which to my lens — is INTRINSICALLY Male/Masculine.
(Potent Female *leaders* are such because they have a powerful capacity to migrate to their Masculine channel, where tactical/strategic leadership is constellated...). However, when hanging out in the LEFT Hemisphere, FEEEEELINGS (empathy, compassion, resonance, adoration, attunement, etc.) ARE ESSENTIALLY NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
All those relational cornerstones are found in the RIGHT hemisphere — separated by a T-Rex-sized steak of a corpus callosum.
So....because I am a women who loves getting what she wants (and is trained as a Jungian psychotherapist with a bit of a penchant for neuro-science), I have studied men from the inside out. (I also hire the best mentors and teachers in all the land to deepen my own understanding — Dr. Pat Allen being a tremendous influence on my neuro-anatomical understanding of male/female cognitive and emotional scaffolding.)
My own superpower is constructing real-life situations that are codified in DEEP RESPECT and HONOR of “The Masculine” — and — simultaneously, increasing my chances of receiving the outcome that I desire.
Returning to EXHIBIT A:
1. I provide my male-brained beloveds with clear NON-FLUFFY, NON-SWAMPY-FEMININE data. (Often tricky in and of itself if you are anything like me, ps 🙄)
2. I KNOCK. I literally request to make an appointment at a time that is *CONVENIENT FOR HIM* to discuss my Feminine longing / desire / kerfuffle / hunger/ what-have-you.
This dual-pronged approach —which is always sequential and stacked *precisely* as in Exhibit A — creates a powerful listening AND GIVES THEIR FABULOUS DUDE BRAIN TIME TO TREK FROM THEIR LEFT BRAIN HUNTING GROUNDS TO THE RIGHT HEMISPHERE WHERE MY CHANCES OF BEING MET / RECEIVED / ADORED / SAID YES TO ARE RADICALLY INCREASED.
When we approach men / our Lovers with anatomically male brains in such a way, they perceive:
🔥INCOMING!
🔥A FEMININE ESSENCED BEING WITH DESIRE!
And....automagically....their awareness climbs over the corpus callosum moat into the RIGHT hemisphere.....which is exactly where I want his awareness and thinking function to be *temporarily positioned*.
I realize this is written in a playful tone — but — this level of relational consciousness is straight-up an extreme sport.
When you say these words: “Could you let me know a time that is convenient for you to discuss this with me?” WHILE YOU ARE FROTHING AND TUMESCED OUT OF YOUR MIND, you need to be prepared and ABLE TO REGULATE your own system when he says “I am available after the market closes today at 4p” — and its 7:42 in the morning....OR “Lets talk about it when I am back from New York on Thursday” — and its Tuesday afternoon— you need to be able to HOLD YOURSELF in a REGULATED WAY: no resentment, no passive aggressive counter swipes, no power-play side comment blah-blah.
☠️ YOU ASKED.
☠️ HE GAVE YOU THE ANSWER.
☠️ And now....YOU NEED TO RESPECT IT.
Capsize this thing more than once or twice, and you will show your cards as being an adolescent little girl playing in an Alpha King (Erica Jade terminology 🙏🏼) gladiator ring — and you will be eaten alive or tossed back into the stadium of “basic bitches” in the blink of an eye (Not my usual language style....but #facts.)
This is where you need to source deep within your Feminine capacity for stillness, deep within your own interior world and tend to your *own* inner fire.
This intentional cultivation and DISPLAY OF RESPECT for your male-brained beloved (especiallllllly if he holds Warrior, King, empire-building frequencies) is a creational act of *devotion*...there is NOTHING passive about this level of relational consciousness.
It will initiate you / Feminine essenced beings into new and profound levels of learning to suspend and bear the pain of your own Feminine longing, hunger, desire, and emotionality as an expression of your CHOOSING to respect the (hopefully) *intimidating potency* of the Alpha/King/Warrior frequency of masculine-centered Men.
I personally believe that this is extremely important as an energetic offering to relationships that are consciously architected with high degrees of erotic and relational polarity.
The willingness of the Feminine to *demonstrate* her capacity to regulate and SHOW SIGNS OF RESPECT **BEYOND** what may be comfortable for her to do in the moment is the difference between a Princess and a Queen.
And it is always the Queen that makes the King.
🖤