THE SHAMING of THE MASCULINE: WEAPONIZED FEMININE PAIN
Yesterday, I came across a post here in the FB wilds that made my heart skip a beat.
The subject of this particular thread was masculine ineptitude. Some dude somewhere said the unconscious thing. Some man somewhere was semi-invasive, judgmental + old school in his outreach. All of this is TRUE....and...there is a massive PROBLEM when all that it takes to trip the live-wire of the feminine pain body into a frenzied state of collusion is just some dude who says stupid, uncultivated shit:
another banal example of sanctimonious masculine communication.
Dozens upon dozens of women jumped on the thread and were hungrily throwing down their favorite eye-rolling gifs and snarky comments into the feeding frenzy. One disrespectful comment rolling right after the next, a parade of exasperated, eye-rolling gifs all serving to feed the INCOMPLETE narrative we are mainlining in our collective about the Masculine:
Men are inept.
Men do and say stupid shit.
Men are fools.
(and of course: Men are dangerous, altho this was not the aspect of the Masculine being spotlighted in this particular thread)
In the name of "solidarity", many women believe that we deserve to experience "fun" or comedy by shaming these behaviors and by celebrating their disrespect of the masculine. It is, after all, what we have been hypnotized into believing is an appropriate response via television + movies that celebrate the bumbling masculine, the man-boy, or the fool.
In my clearly less entertaining world-view, laughing at another's expense is never a "parade" or comedic. It is nothing more than gallows humor:
an unconscious and misaligned antidote to our own unspoken *greatest and singularly most devastating feminine fear*:
WHAT IF THIS IS TRUE?
What if NO MAN will EVER be able to meet me in the fullness and the wildness of my own feminine expression?
As I looked over the names of the women who were posting on that thread, my heart sank further. I know some of these women personally and professionally and have long admired their voices and their work in the world. They may read these words. And yet, here they were, armed with snarky gifs and sass, highlighting + shaming the unconscious masculine in the *false-light* name of "solidarity".
With clucking enthusiasm, the women cheered:
"OMG, THIS THREAD IS THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET!"
Um, NO.
Let me tell you something, babygirl, that thread -- and what motivates threads like these -- is decidedly NOT "the best thing on the internet".....these threads REEK of feminine desperation. Sure, its all packaged up in cheeky "fun" and "humor" and "solidarity" -- but it is straight-up feminine grief, rage, fear, and heartbreak all tricked out in the wolf's clothing of social media.
Posts like these (and there is no shortage of them) are viewed hundreds and hundreds of time, they energetically AMPLIFY THE WOUND and the separation between men and women: they are *not* benevolent.
There is always a "river beneath the river" -- and when dozens of women come together to commiserate, disrespect, poke fun and share quips of their latest encounter with the unconscious, checked-out masculine, it is not "humor" they are seeking. It is a pressure release valve, *at the expense of the masculine* (and their deepest feminine integrity, I would fully suspect) because their own feminine pain body is terribly hurting. They have been disappointed, heartbroken, or a wound has been inadvertently touched or re-opened and instead of BEING WITH THE TRUTH OF THE PAIN, we lash out....lipgloss, hair just so, a cute dress, mile high heels... and READY TO KILL.
I deeply understand this feminine desperation:
IT IS IN ME, TOO.
There are moments that this longing feels ancient and timeless, a deep desperate weariness in body + heart for men to ALIGN in action and behavior to the TRUTH of WHO THEY ARE. And when they FAIL through meekness, arrogance, impulsivity, unconsciousness, or privilege, it touches a brimstone in the feminine psyche that RAGES in anguish. I know this place in me...I know both the fury and the sorrow that feels like it may just swallow me whole.
THERE IS A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING OUR FEELINGS AND WEAPONIZING THEM.
The moment we as women use our voice or social platforms to spotlight masculine ineptitude just for the hell of it, to shame men in a throw-down of anguish + sorrow masquerading as "humor", we are literally weaponizing our own pain. Our pain becomes nothing more than a heat-seeking missile for collusion amongst our wounded sisters. We literally project it, vomiting it into the collective for agreement and collusion by other women who share similar wounding, the same fears, and a similar unmetabolized trauma constellation. All human beings share the same evolutionary thrust to belong....but seeking agreement and collusion to unconsciously regulate OUR OWN PAIN is nothing more than collective trauma-bonding.
The dark truth is that sometimes it IS easier to weaponize our pain than it is to bear the weight of our own archaic feminine heartache. However, each time we weaponize our pain, we are CREATING THE PROBLEM. We are perpetuating the narrative that is being *AGREED UPON BY WOMEN ABOUT MEN* and THEREFORE **CREATED** in the collective.
Women: instead of giving up our power by succumbing to shaming men for their weakness/unconsciousness/abuse of privilege, etc, we need to UNDERSTAND OUR OWN POWER and SHOW UP in our FULLNESS ALIGNED TO THIS GREAT and IMMENSE FEMININE CREATIONAL POTENCY.
**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**
I am going to write those words again so that specific transmission stands a shot in the dark chance of penetrating the clenched and armored Feminine heart:
**DISRESPECTING THE MASCULINE IS THE OPPOSITE FREQUENCY OF TRUE FEMININE POWER.**
As women, we need to BE and DO BETTER than this weaponization of our Feminine pain, for ourselves, for one another, our children, our world, and YES: OUR MEN.